Will use this as a means of trying to work through it all. A journal of sorts.
So much going on. Trying to find a way to get it out of me and then out there somewhere.
Am I riding the pity wagon? Maybe so - but I have to figure out a way to close this window that is open in the middle of me with the wind rushing through.
I will not go back through and check this after I write it.
Kids got sick one week. Then got sick against the next week. During the second week, Dad got sick and mom took him to the hospital. The kids got sick and Dad got worse. Turns out he was getting bad care. No regular meds being given, no followup. Mom would normally cover all of this but she was not feeling good. Changed doctors. He began to get better. As he recovered, Mom got worse. Day before Dad is supposed to come out, Mom calls and can't get out of bed - she is shaking so badly. Head over with the kids in the back and have Ed meet me there. She is in bad shape - we just don't realize how bad. Take her back to my place where she detiorates during the night. Ed goes to work and I have to call him to come home. Felt really bad doing it but he did not want me to leave the kids with anyone else. Realize that there are not many close by that I can call. Too many McMansions close by or unattached parents. Try a few close friends but they have sick kids or whatever. Ed comes home and I take her in. Scarey, the one who is never sick, is indeed really sick. Stay there all day and they decide to admit here. As I am there, her meds wear off and she begins to shake and vomit. I look at here with fresh eyes and realize how old she hah become. My protector is now in need of protection. Wild. Call my brother in DC and ask him to come and help. After I get my mom admitted, I go upstairs and check my father out. Take him back to his place to pack a bag and take shower while I run back and check on mom. He can barely make it up the steps at his place and I know he has to come and stay with us. Try to rush home with him after I check on mom as Ed has an interview that he is trying to land. He calls and says the guy is pissed and don't hurry home. Go home anyway. Get Dad settled. Ed goes out. Ian gets here. Ed goes to she her and decides to stay the night. She is in really bad shape. Roz comes to stay with her the next day. Turns out she ultimately has a UTI that turns into a kidney infection that then goes to her blood. She has taken herself too far. The next week is a blur with us all taking turns at the hospital and with the kids and a dumb white poodle (my parents dog) wandering around the house.
In the meantime, my bestfriend - my husband is struggling. I see very little of him. I am unable to help him with his struggle at his new job, which he hates. He still works his old one, trys to find a new one and begins law school. He is unable to help. The other new job he is looking towards, ultimately falls apart. He is stuck and over extended and miserable.
Moms comes out and over to my place. We or at least Ed and I realize how really close she came to dying. She recovers. Ian goes home. Dad follows along in his usual way. Dad is another subject for another day.
As is selling and purchasing of new homes. And new schools.
My children have already watched two hours of TV today. I have let them watch more as a struggle for sanity.
I must focus on me some. Try and get some sleep and get back with my weight battle.
There are dirty dishes, unfolded laundry etc to be dealt with.
Will this help? I hope so,
